Saturday, 13 August 2016

Venting out on a rainy August

Every day, I try to get up early to prepare for work and eventually carry myself to go to work. This is a cycle. Though I am still glad that I have this job to support myself and my family, I don’t find satisfaction in what I do anymore. It seems that I’m doing this because I don’t have a choice and I don’t like that feeling because I always believe that we always have a choice. I’ve been in this company for more than two years now, well this is the longest I stayed in a company so far. This is my comfort zone; I like the location, the remuneration, benefits and some people.

A lot of things happened, so many changes occurred for the past five months. But I will never forget how this company contributed to where I am now. When I started in this organization and work with diverse and talented people, I started to improve myself as well. The company gave me the chance to earn qualifications for free which is an added skills and knowledge for me. I was given an opportunity to lead though it has been in a short period of time but I learned teamwork and it improved my people skills (which I’m really bad at before). One thing I will always remember is that people are the most important asset of the company and same goes with life.

After 2 years, we had some restructuring. The founders left the company and two new site directors took over. They said change has come and so it did. After 2-3 months, four of our dearest Managers and three team leads have been made redundant. Shocking as it is, I just knew it the day that they’re about to leave. We said our goodbyes with a teary eye and realized that no matter how hard you work in a company, if it comes to business needs, they will still let you go. I’m glad that this company have done much for me as I’ve given to her.

Now, I am at my 2nd year and 4 months stay in the company, sitting on the same seat and doing the same thing. I’m able to travel to different places, continue my studies and do things I want to do. Honestly, I don’t have the right to complain. I’m fortunate enough to have a roof, a job, healthy body, friends, and family (though we’re not complete). But I know that this is not the life I want to live. I don’t want to be confined in the four walls of any room and do things routinely. Told things I needed to do, do things I don’t want to because that’s what I’m being paid for. I want to travel at the same time being able to continue my studies, enhance my teaching skills, gain more skills and know more people from different backround and different walks of life. I want to see the world.

I want to see the world. Too big to dream for someone like me but I’ve come this far and I know, I can do it if I put my mind into it. There is nothing we can do, if we put our mind into something – believe that we can achieve it with God’s grace and mercy. This dream is so real in my head and I’m living because of it. Of course I want to be part of something greater than myself. I also have dream for my family but I don’t want to hold myself because of my responsibilities. There’s a lot of things I can do and I don’t want to deprive myself of opportunities. This is my life, the life given to me by God through my parents and I want to live it fully. I’m also wishing that on my journey, I will see better the purpose why I’m here and be able to inspire other people, open their eyes how beautiful the world is, and to make them realize that there’s no need for war.

Life is such a precious thing to behold. Being alive is already a gift but the question is, how are you living the life given to you? Do you find fulfillment in what you do? Being contented is a good thing but the “contentment” word should only apply to a certain aspect of your life.  Ask me? Yes, I’m not contented, I have never been contented. Because contentment can lead to mediocrity. We should always strive to become a better version of ourselves. Aim high but look within you, check your reality. There’s nothing wrong in dreaming but it’s not an easy path. If I wanted to travel around the world, I need to be thrifty and save money – that means, if I can walk home just to save, I would do that. If I had to skip going to movies and just watch on my laptop at home, not buying expensive perfume and clothes, I would do that. Because I have a greater dream rather than acquiring things which will worn out eventually. I also believe that even with faith, we should strive to be closer to God. To understand his purpose and his will. When we become complacent, we might lose track of what else to be done and to know.

Wednesday, 30 December 2015

Synopsis of my 2015

As the bus move along Edsa, trying to escape this traffic jam, I’m caught between nostalgia and boredom. My mind started to drift in the year about to end, pondering how it has been. Years easily gone by and there are things in our lives we wish we could change, moments where we find ourselves wishing for more. While my mind continue to reminisce, I realize that life is not something that just happens to anyone. I began to understand that I can design my own life and drives it wherever and whatever I want it to be. I’ve come to embrace that realization and decided to start doing the things that really matters to me, what makes me happy while not forgetting my responsibilities.
looking back in the year about to end, year 2015 has been generous to me. I’ve been given countless opportunities; I was able continue my studies, gain qualifications and recognition's. I gained more friends, acquaintances and I had the chance to work with amazing people. But life is not just about happy moments; it's a roller coaster between happy, sad moments, grief and loss. It’s when I realize that time is the most precious thing on earth and I don’t want to waste every second of it.
When I thought about the time I spent watching TV and doing nothing, I felt a bit of guilt in my wasted time. If I only knew better, I wish I could've done more. So, I started travelling and writing again and I couldn’t contain the feeling of being free. Free from worries, free from the hustle and bustle of the city and finally finding my inner self. When I am at the top of a mountain and seeing the trail where I struggled, fell, slipped and moments where I thought of giving up, I feel like flying --thinking I can do anything. I don't want to forget these experiences which makes me alive, so writing it down is the best possible way I could ever think of.  It is only through writing that I can express my deepest thoughts and feelings, freeing every bit of inhibitions I have and be proud of who I am. Travelling has been an eye-opener for everything that world has to offer. I feel so blessed to be able to see, feel and experienced all this magnificent and wonderful creation.
The world is enormous and there are a lot of things to see, country to visit and experience, etc. I know it's too big for me to dream of seeing the whole world but let's always dream big, anyways it won't cost us anything.  Life is an adventure; it is the surprises along the way what makes it all worthwhile. With another year about to end, this is the first time I feel fulfilled with no regrets for all the decisions I made. I let go all of my worries and expectations thinking that I can only do so much. From then, I was able to focus on what I can do and what I can only give.

There are several motivators that keeps me burning and reminding me to keep moving.
  1. Dreams don’t come true by themselves. I got to do something to get it. Wake up!
  2. No one is entitled to anything. All must be earned.
  3. The world won’t whine if you quit.
  4. Worrying won’t solve your problem. Let it go.
  5. Every second counts.
  6. There is no bad or good life until you started to think so.
  7. it’s all in your mind. Control your thoughts. Create good one.
  8. Life is a gift, enjoy and share it.
My favorite quote for this year:
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. – Mark Twain